I have a friend who constantly tells me new stories about how she goes to Panera for lunch and, once again, has managed to sit next to people who are having weird conversations or awkward dates. A few days ago, I went to grab a quick dinner before an evening lecture and had my own turn being the silently horrified neighbor who couldn’t help but listen to each painful word of the couple sitting next to me. It sounded like she was still a high school student and he was in his first or second year of college. This (of course) made him the Expert of All Things under Heaven, a role which he took upon himself to execute in as obnoxious a manner as possible. I can only hope she cottons on soon to the fact that he isn’t much of a catch:
Girl: I’m thinking of writing a book about my Nana.
Boy: You’d better get on that. Like, write down what she says before you forget. I’m just sayin’. I mean, how old is she?
Boy: I’m just sayin’, she’s probably gonna die soon. I write down stuff that occurs to me at work so that when I write a book someday I have all the good stuff. I just write down a word or two to remind me. [Pulls out his iPhone and pulls up his list of genius thoughts for her to admire.]
Girl: [Suddenly has a great idea.] I could be in there! After you drove your friends home that night you gave a girl her first kiss. [Her voice has grown soft at the memory.]
Boy: I don’t know about that. I write down just a word or two of the interesting stuff.
[Some time later…]
Girl: My white fluffy Northface is getting kind of dirty. I wanna get a new one.
Boy: I’m thinking of getting one at Christmas.
Girl: [excited] For me?
Boy: [Sounds incredulous.] No, for me! I’m not sure if black or brown is better…what do you think?